AS SOON AS I...
Just between you and me, I don't always practice what I preach.
As diligent, productive and focused as I try to be, I'm only human and subject to the same laws and time clock of the physical universe as everyone else is. Hopefully, that's also why you listen to/read my words - because you know that I know what you're going through.
My daughter called me out on it today. When I said, "As soon as I finish...," she shook her head and said, "You always say that. There's always something stopping you."
She's right.
My reasons are totally legitimate, real and important:as soon as I finish the tax audit
as soon as I finish my book
as soon as I get the next online class done
as soon as I get back from my teaching trip
as soon as I get this studio to my liking
as soon as I can hear myself think
So the question is, have I overscheduled my life or am I just avoiding the harder things with uncertain outcomes? I know that time isn't just going to open up for me. I know that how we spend our days is how we spend our lives (Annie Dillard).
I know that if I really want to make that quilt for Quilt National or write the book that holds it's own against Annie Dillard's books, that I will have to, not make the time, but TAKE THE TIME.It's all about intention. Intending to do what I really want to do, no matter what. It means not doing all the quick, easy or "for others" stuff that fritters away my day.
Having my spirit so weighted down and my days eaten up by the tax audit has really made me think about how I want to spend my post-audit time (as soon as I finish my next book of course!
I know I do not waste time, but I am not really sure what it is I am doing that keeps me from all the stuff I say I'll do, as soon as....
I don't yet know is what I am going to give up in order to carve out the life I really want to be living. I do know that in order to feel complete I need to take more time for myself. Often we cannot see what is right in front of us. Sometimes what you are looking for is right under your nose, in your own backyard or in the magic of the ruby slippers you had all along.
So I ask you - what am I not seeing? Are you and I in the same boat or have you already tread these waters and have an answer you will share with me? Let's talk.
Copyright 2013 Lesley Riley. All Rights Reserved.
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