Thoughts on The Morning After

My sister and I grew up in the same household, with the same parents.  As we moved a lot as kids we were best buddies, a constant as everything around us changed.  We share the basic morals, religious beliefs, intelligence level, work ethic and sense of humor.  She has always identified as liberal and I as a conservative.  Interesting.  Especially given the political climate of the day. We still see pretty much eye to eye on things even today, even in this climate.

"You? a conservative?" I have had friends say.

Well, let's review issues- Guns? I was taught marksmanship and gun safety from my NRA range master dad. Do I believe in background checks? Yes.  Do I actually own a gun? no. Religion? I am a professed Christian, though seemingly a belief in any deity these days seems to make you a fundamentalist of the worse flavor. Am I intolerant of others religions? no. Do I think there is a God shaped hole in man that needs to be filled? yes. Sexuality? I am the most boring creature - a monogamous married white woman. Do I think it is any of my business who anyone else has in their bed? no.  Do I think people should be in non-abusive, committed relationships? yes.  Abortion? Do I believe life begins at conception? yes.  Have I had an abortion? yes. (I had an ectopic pregnancy between my two children and had to go through a procedure to stop the growth of an unseen, never found baby that certainly was not in my uterus. Not fun.) Employment? Do I believe there is dignity in work? yes Even washing dishes or manual labor? yes (I have done both.) Do I think people need safety nets for hard times? yes Do I think a vast amount of one's personal problems can be solved by working hard? yes

"Doesn't sound that conservative to me." other friends say.

Maybe the point is labels aren't doing us any favors in today's issues driven world. I don't vote according to a single plank in any political platform.  I have long quit saying liberal or conservative and have wanted to be considered a moderate. A moderate sounds so wishy-washy though.  I am not neutral with no beliefs, opinions or passions. Whether you agree with anything I have told you about myself or not doesn't change who I am or what I am passionate about.  My God, my family, my friends, my art.

Never has there been two candidates more reviled in modern political history. Their respective champions are quite passionate in their support. Or are they as much for one person as against the other? My concern is that passion seems to be the excuse that precludes civility today.  

It reminds me of when you go to that office party and people have too much to drink and dance with lampshades on their heads or people jump in bed together that shouldn't have or someone was just really mean about some one's weight or bad breath or spouse.  And then Monday comes and we have to face each other across the conference table. You can't take back words, or lying or bullying or influence peddling or philandering or name calling or character assassinations.

My pastor at church uses a wonderful analogy of hateful words being like a nail in a board.  You can apologize, pull the nail out, but the hole from the nail is still there. It's not going away.  The barrage of hateful words is like a shotgun blast through a door. What will be left of it? Or us?

Will we be left standing or even speaking to each other after this is all over? How are we going to look each other in the eye, let alone work together to do the best we can for our families, our friends, our country, our planet?  I am frightened about the now and about the next.

That classic motivational speaker Zig Ziglar used to say that "People don't change their minds, they make new decisions based on new information."  One of my wise in-laws said "Actions speak louder than words." in defence of her candidate. (Makes you wonder who she is voting for, doesn't it?)

It is my sincere hope that we all can set aside our preconceptions and prejudices and gut revulsions to listen, study and watch as this election cycle unfolds and no matter what happens, wake up the next day and do what is best for our country. We need to. We must.  Will it be possible to shake hands and get to work together the morning after?

I think you have to be bold about truth telling. Staying true to yourself by speaking aloud is never bad. Is it bad for a corporation or a professional to not enter into possibly divisive discussion? Or is it a sin NOT to? In my business I have always tried to be a haven, a place of respite, and because of that know that I have been a solace to many. This country was founded as a refuge of freedom and self -expression. But that feels jeopardized today to me.

On Being a Control Freak, Resilience & Life Reimagined

It's a constant struggle being a control freak when life is out of control.  And when isn't it, really? As I struggle to regain my house from mountains of merchandise after underestimating how much display space I have in various venues I am plagued.  The latest plague? An ache in my right foot that makes it impossible to put my full weight on it.  Hard to stand to paint, hard to walk up and down stairs to move inventory, hard to clean my house. After a month of this nonsense (I'm no quitter!) I finally succumbed to the painful ministrations of the cortisone wielding podiatrist this morning and am confident I will bounce back. Because that is What We Do around here. 

As I look to my weekend's plans I am amused as they include celebrating resilience.

"Resilience, they concluded, is a mixture of personality traits, biology, and life experience, each part shaping the other. Resilience looks an awful lot like Bob Stifel." These are not my words but an except from Former NPR Reporter & New York Times Best Selling author Barbara Bradley Hagerty.  

Bob and I met Barb when she was looking for folks who had thoughts about thriving at midlife for her new book Life Reimagined.  "Our" Chapter 8 is called "When Bad Stuff Happens" and I must say that re-reading it reminds both Bob and I how blessed we are.  Even with battling insurance companies for a new artificial leg for Bob and jumping through all my creative hoops, I can truly say life is indeed a gift to be celebrated.  

We were blessed to meet Barb.  She was recovering from a bad bicycle fall, but still full of curiosity and drive to chronicle her "deep and often inelegant dive into the research to discover how to thrive at midlife." 

To celebrate Barb, her awesome book and celebrate us non spring chickens who aspire to a better rest of our lives we are hosting a book signing at Alexia Scott's Studio Gallery at 106 Little Falls Street in Falls Church on Sunday June 5th from 2 to 4pm. Please bring a friend and join us if you can. If you can't attend but would like an autographed copy of the book, leave a comment or email me at Theresa@stifelandcapra.com and I will get it for you.

For more on Barb and her writing visit her website that begins "Welcome to my website, where I detail all of my accomplishments and none of my failings."  My kind of woman!

See you Sunday!

Theresa

PS- Look! the dining room table is back in the middle of the room and you can see the FLOOR! Proud of me???

Explaining why the book signing is not here at the house... :)

Alexia Scott's Studio Gallery Grand Opening & the Power of YES!

"Things happen for a reason" is a constant mantra in the Stifel household. Of course sometimes you have no idea what those reason are until LONG after the fact...

When I moved into Falls Church with Stifel & Capra years ago I went next door to the doctor with the friendly reputation and asked him if we could "borrow" his parking lot for our after hours events.   I held my breath, not knowing how he felt about artists.  

Tom chuckled warmly and invited me into his office where on EVERY wall was the most amazing art painted by his highly talented wife Alexia.

Yes! we could use the lot. Yes! we carried Alexia's art at S&C.

Yes! years later I started taking drawing lessons from Alexia.  Yes! I am totally paranoid about my lack of ability there.

Fast forward a year and a half, Dr Scott retires and he & his wife decided to turn the building into a teaching studio and gallery.

Yes! I would be delighted to help market and manage this new venture and show my work there.

Yes! we put together a gang buster initial show for Alexia's Studio Gallery Grand Opening.

The weekend of April 13th to the 15th was truly wonderful.

Believing in giving back, the opening was a fund raiser for the local Arlington Philharmonic.

The artists included some of the most caring folks around and I am delighted to work with them again.

Yes! Things happen for a reason.

(See anything you like? Let me know- I have keys!)

Ponies, playing and poundage

In keeping with my "oh well, what the hell" attitude of late of NOT trying to micromanage everything (although I can still my colleague Cindy saying "so you've got control of the 'needing to be in control thing, eh?'") , I am still being rewarded by the Powers That Be (and awesome friends) with opportunities that wouldn't exist if I didn't have the time to take part in them!

With the invitation of S&C next door neighbor Alexia Scott to take place in her Studio Gallery's Grand Opening I have the opportunity to play with some BIG canvases- four feet tall to submit for the show.  I am having a grand time with theses works in progress so far.

I also had the opportunity to go to BOTH the Virginia Gold Cup and our buddies' Kentucky Derby party without having to barter away days off or spend money I don't really have to attend a wonderful party or two.  That in itself felt like a departure when I realized I could simply keep my eye on the phone in case someone had a question but not have to worry about whether we were spending more than we were making with all of the hideous rain we have been having.  That is simply just no longer the case.

Suddenly, weirdly I can just enjoy.  Don't get me wrong I still am working really hard but I don't feel so much like I am looking over my shoulder all of the time.  Take Mother's Day for instance.

We have an AWESOME tradition in my neighborhood of doing a slightly goofy breakfast brunch potluck in the street.  Well, ok, it's actually in a driveway or sidewalk but outside unless there's a typhoon brewing. It's very casual and a lot of fun with awesome food.  Most the dads on the streets are good cooks and you know, they get a little competitive when they are in groups so...

The good news? Because I didn't have to sprint off to get to church so I could hurry back to get to work- we actually got to hang out longer this year. And not feel so rushed.  The bad news? Photos from Gold Cup AND Phil's cinnamon rolls remind me that my old foot injury and Being Too Busy Packing Up The Shop To Exercise are taking their toll on my waistline.  It's ALWAYS been non-existent, but not I actually have none.  I have always admired my daughter for not gaining the infamous "freshmen 15" when she went to college and she finds new ways to exercise now that she is no longer rowing. I am now counting on her encouraging example to kick start me into a new season of health.  I have multiple friends that made big job moves, or retired or just got sick of their slow selves and just got themselves together.  I need to find out their secrets.  DO I REALLY have to go to the Y 7 days a week like Bruce? How many miles does Trish run a day anyway? Can cutting out ENTIRE food group be anything more than a gimmick? Will I have to eat proverbial bird seed like these birdies?  (Like how I am humble bragging while showing off my cool Mom's Day gifts?)

Let's just say I am feeling a little New Year's Resolution-y and am hoping the feeling holds long enough to get into my shorts from last summer. I need to lose like, no lie, sixty points at this point so would love to hear your secrets of getting/keeping in shape.

The fact that have lost two inches in height AND have a former chef for a spouse AND have realized that I actually eat and drink as hobbies remind me it's time to get back to more art making during the day and needlework or writing at night- after all it's hard to stitch or type with your hands full, eh?

The camera does not lie, or does it?

Kind hearted people keep asking "How are you doing?" in that polite, hushed tone usually saved for funerals and cancer diagnoses.  My old unenlightened self would have answered "Fine" but my newly 55 year old, tell it like it is self generally answers "Tired"!  I still have not reconciled with the VOLUME of  merchandise, display items, projects that could be awesome if you just worked on them, jars full of pens and just plain stuff that is still loitering around my house.

I DID reach my self proclaimed goal of getting the storage pod out of  our driveway in 30 days.

I HAVE sorted, donated, packed and stacked goodies so that parts of our home look positively normal. I posted a photo on Facebook about my mantel's uncluttered horizontal surface and was teasingly busted for that fact that MY uncluttered surface still had a dozen items on it!

But LOOK- my house looks better than it has in MONTHS.  Unless of course you pan past the camera viewfinder and look in my dining room and basement. How is it possible that I have done this business without a garage????

The scariest part? There are piles in not one but TWO homes! (Ignore those nasty valances from the 90's I have never taken down in our cottage...) God bless my husband and children for not setting fire to it or even making comment.  When I apologize for the chaos I hear "Mom, you can't clear out 10 years in 10 weeks".  I love my kids.  What a fine Mother's Day gift they both are! Even more astounding to me is it doesn't stop them from having people over.

When I hear stories about teenagers that simply can't function unless they have a particular car or even a specific brand of make up, I count my blessings when I realize that we have raised "kind, strong and smart" kids who would rather do their homework and pile in to introduce the Son to "Beyond Thunderdome" on a Wednesday night then worry about what craziness their mom is getting up to with a mid week trip to Delaware to restock her one fifith the size shop and she comes home with more than she left with.  They unloaded the car with nary a comment. 

Of course I am running out of room, so if you see something you want, just let me know!

I am writing this while literally waiting for paint to dry, You see I signed up to participate in an art show next weekend so I will "have" to paint.  

It's the Grand Opening of my friend and teacher Alexia Scott's Studio & Gallery. Hope you can stop by and see what I am up to. Details are here.

Room with a View - or the Weekend That Didn't Go as Planned

Who WOULDN'T want to wake up to a view like this? I know I would want to. In fact Bob & my main mission for our next chapter of our life is to find a nice waterfront community to continue our spice making, vintage treasure hunting, art producing selves to head quarter from.  Saturday I was supposed to be demo-ing my art doll maker's skill at a local fair but the registration somehow got messed up and they didn't have me on the roster.  Given the rainy forecast I decided it was a clue NOT to try to keep things dry in a tent and to make a new plan.  So the Hubs, Son & I went for a little boondoggle and looked at a couple of waterfront homes and enjoyed a lovely seafood  lunch.

We are very enamored of a particular cove in the Solomons area.  We nearly bought a house there a couple of years ago.  We were so enthralled with that particular house (one story, newly renovated, art studio over the garage) that we were going to sell our home in Virginia and rent an apartment so Son could finish high school- now THAT's love.  But someone got an offer in ahead of us. So the search continues...

Moseyed back home to my birthday gifts and flowers. My favorite was a new beach chair with a FOOTSTOOL- can't you just see me with my feet up staring at the water?  And then had a yummy "tasting of summer" supper and a glass of wine on the deck.  Awesome day, even if it didn't look like what the calender said!

Sunday brought my pop-up trunk show at New to You here in Falls Church.

Christina was sweet enough to buy me a chocolate birthday cake- YUM! It was lovely but we chomped into before we remembered to immortalize it in a photo op.

Had a wonderful turn-out.  Sipped some bubbly and got to see a bunch of familiar faces and sell some treasures. I miss a lot about having my own store.  Mostly I miss the interactions with the people,  Hearing about what is going on with their lives, Making connections among the folks I know, A great day- a great weekend. 

Next Post: Scary photos as Theresa transitions...

No Lifeguard On Duty = Freedom and Responsibility

This sign kind of sums up how I feel about things at the moment.  "No Lifeguard on Duty" means you can run amok but there is also no one to save you if you are drowning either...  Hmmm. One has to be MORE diligent, not less, in the quiet.

Had an abundance of fun in the last week and a half.  The Spring Kick-off at the Old Screen Door in Lewes went REALLY well!  We had yummy good food- oodles of people came out and there was a lot of really cool vintage and artisan things that went out the door making the vendors AND owner Tony VERY happy!

I came home and started working on my multiple priorities.  God BLESS my client that gave me a week off from painting her kitchen so I could work on my other to- do's.  So this week I have been having a blast creating wonderful, romantic tops from vintage mid century lace pieces and more dramatic pieces with silk scarves for the foundations.  It is quite delightful to work for a couple hours at a stretch without being interrupted.

But when I DO raise my head I cringe at what is waiting for me.  ARGH! The lovely romantic muse flees while the practical one stares down the mountains of STUFF that awaits.  I have accepted the fact that some of this stuff has got to go but I need to sort it all through and figure our what needs to go where.  I have pledged to NOT get a storage unit.  I have heard too many tales of folks paying fees for YEARS without even knowing what is behind the door.  So, I, the Queen of Self Imposed Deadlines, have given myself until the end of April to get this plan in place. How exactly I am going to physically do this is beyond me right now.  I have multiple plans.  Plan A of leaving the unit unlocked and praying someone would make off with it in the night did NOT work. On to Plan B.

Sometimes being a creative person and being able to see multiple options gets in your way.  I can come up with so many plots and plans that I feel like I am standing at a 7 way intersection with cars flying by me in all directions. One false step and I am going to get flattened. A good portion of this is ego, of course.  My beloved husband suggested we have a storage unit yard sale but I am SO beyond the concept of laying it all out there yet again.  And the conundrum is I do/will need a lot of the stuff.  Those 4 boxes of shopping bags? Will need them when I do the Big Flea in July.  Foolish to get rid of them. They are expensive. And those baskets? Totally use them when I do charity give aways.  Why donate them if I am just going to have to buy them back? On the other hand, I don't want my house to look like a storage unit.  Gotta keep working on this one, obviously. But other things are more important.

I had the pleasure of cutting wonderful flowers out of my yard and taking them over to my lovely friend Anna and seeing her new baby. Drinking in that little guy smell while wondering how my friend manages to look so good was a pleasant way to spend a lunch hour.  My guys don't smell QUITE as yummy as Baby Andrew but they are just as much fun to spend time with.  Not working until 6:30 every day now means when Bob got a notion to take me to our neighbor's restaurant for dinner we could just go.  Aaaah freedom. Of course I was responsible to and went back home and back to work.  I guess I am the LifeGuard of my own life!

Freshening a Kitchen while Staring Down Deadlines

One of the joys of my next chapter is the ability to write my own schedule.  Right now I am trying to juggle revenue producing activities (doing a custom paint job with Cindy as my trusty right hand woman) with doctor appointments (actually doing all of those pesky self-care things I have been ignoring) while attempting to solve the mystery of how every thing that is staring at me in that storage container in my driveway is going to fit into my life.  Oh and I need to plan for next week's art doll demo and trunk show while I pack to head out to the Spring Kick-off for Stifel & Capra's social debut at the Old Screen Door.  Whew. Oh, and then, I "have" to sit on my back deck with friends and enjoy the sunshine and spring flowers. Apparently taking my "Big Life" mantra to heart...

The good news I feel invigorated by the fact that I am making decisions about what I will do when.  AND that my family is buying into the fact that our dining room might be the storage garage until fall. I COULD hang curtains across the doorway but I think the stuff staring at me is probably a bigger motivator.

On this glorious kitchen we just have to paint the inside of the doors and attach the hardware and we are done.  God BLESS these flexible homeowners- they are given me a week off to prep for my shows and then come back and finish.  Amazingly flexible.  As my client says, she's not worried about me coming back because I need to get paid!  It's looking good so far though, eh?

Off to fill etsy & CeCe orders and then heading across the Bay Bridge to the Old Screen Door (although I might make a few treasure stops along the way...)

Looking forward to this weekend AND next week.  One whole solid week of making things (with breaks to clear debris fields!). Am giddy with anticipation.

Volume, Volume, Volume - living a Big Life

This last week after packing out the shop in Falls Churchreminds me of the week I quit my corporate job over a decade ago.  The very minute I gave notice at the Porter Group to stay home with my kids and jump into my creative career I got phone calls and emails galore asking to me to donate/volunteer time, effort and money for various endeavors that would require time away from my babies- the very reason I was turning my back on a lucrative , mature corporate career.  This time around the phone calls, texts and emails are a mix of the mundane, exhilarating and profane.  A lot of them sound really interesting but would require taking time away from my now not so little baby and my new creative babies.

I am taking a cue from last time I made a big switcheroo and am NOT immediately judging or deciding on all of the interesting opportunities that are being presented to me.  Frankly I am in no mental or physical condition to do so,  I am still shifting and moving a thousand square feet of surplus display stock and merchandise around my house/yard/storage container( that miraculously appeared in my driveway- thank to Pack Rat).  While my family is being VERY understanding I find it hard to create in chaos because I have always had this attitude that my proverbial house had to be "in order" before I could give myself permission* to make art. Or sew something. Or play with the supplies I bought six months ago.

Just like my ego was tied up last time with not being indispensable to the client and candidate base I had created, I find myself swinging in the breeze a bit as I work through what being of service to the creative community we created at Stifel & Capra looks like. While I war internally with trying to remain in the public eye so all my relationships don't just fade away, I wonder why it's SO important to maintain all of them.  And really can I?  Maintain all of those conversations if I am not sitting behind the counter? I remind myself of all the things I didn't do when I was Head Shop Girl. Work on my Art Practice, which was ostensibly why I opened the shop, to sell my wares. Be present as opposed to being distracted at home, which I was during every waking minute the shop was open.

I don't have the answers.  Always being Idea Girl, I of course, have more ideas than I could possibly ever implement or create. But I am reminded that sometimes planning is a substitute for actually DOING. And then that sometimes DOING gets in the way of just BEING.  "Do you really WANT to be an artist? Seems to me you are not acting like an artist.  You know- making art."**

But then my brain flips-  Darn it,  I LOVE to get together with people, and create awesome environments and events to inspire them to be creative. I LOVE to create something out of nothing- whether it is wallpaper scraps integrated into a collage jsut to peek out behind the color or to introduce people so that they can form alliances that are mututally beneficial. I could crochet plastic grocery bags to make a door mat or I could paint a 4 foot wide abstract that my contractor will barter with me to fix my leaky roof.  I can drive across the county and help someone paint her kitchen.  I can plot and plan pop up shops, art shows and attend my son's play Where the Handsome Man Child Plays the Evil Comic Relief. I can meet a friend for lunch and actually be at peace with them picking up the tab because I will get it next time because if I can actually be at peace with not have every minute of the day scheduled I will get the check next time.  Because there will actually be a next time.

I am staring down the throat of being 55 years old in a couple of weeks. Perhaps this is the beginning of my stuffed to the gills full, creative, enabling, rocking, happening, loving, rested, present Wonderful Life.

And I am good with that. As soon as I get my house in order.


*Patricia Mosca author of Pemission Slips
**Lesley Riley Sage Guide

Delivering the Goods- Art at the Mill

Study in Scarlet by TW Stifel

Yesterday was a weird yet wonderful day.  For the first time in almost nine years I left the house on a Saturday without worrying about who was on duty, if anyone had any questions or my to do list.  The latter was because mostly I have never been more physically fatigued in my LIFE as I have been this past weekend.  I guess my regimen of not working out and stressing for 18 hours a day did not prep me for the physicality of six days of moving and making decisions about truck loads of merchandise...

Art & Soul by TW Stifel

But looking at my new truncated schedule I realized that Saturday was indeed the best day to deliver my Art at the Mill juries art selections.  I cajoled my hubs into driving me to Clarke County to drop off my pieces.

Lady in Waiting by TW Stifel

It's amazing how just by heading west for 40 minutes you leave the crazy traffic of DC behind and enter the rolling hills and quiet beauty of the Virginia countryside of Fauquier into Clarke County.

Founded in 1939, the Clarke County Historical Association is dedicated to preserving the history of Clarke County.  CCHA also owns the Burwell-Morgan Mill, a fully operational 18th century grist mill located in nearby Millwood, Virginia.  

Their volunteer millers grind a variety of grains as well as give tours of this historic site every Saturday from May through November. 

In October 1990, a small group of artists got together and proposed an idea for an art show at the Burwell-Morgan Mill.  Over time,Art at the Mill has grown from a three-day show of a handful of art into one of the most recognized and prestigious art shows in the region.

 The show’s basic principles remain the same:  to have fun, bring together artists and promote the extraordinary artistic talent of the region. 

I'd love you to join me at the Artists Reception.  It's free but it;s best to RSVP to attend. Join us on Sunday, May 1 from 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm at the Burwell-Morgan Mill for a very special afternoon to recognize artists participating at Art at the Mill.Please email your RSVP by Monday, April 18 to artatthemill@gmail.com

On the way home, we popped into the Arterra Winery for a quick glass of tasty vino and then headed home to the Falls Church Chamber of Commerce Gala.  All in all, a VERY atypical Saturday...